Jamie!
It fits in lots of ways, and has lots of good connotations. Also, it was the only one that I thought of, and I really want a name to use, so I'm using this one. It might change if I come up with something better in the future.
So, Jamie and I have been talking about/starting to dip our toes in the water of this whole nonmonogamy business. We made OKCupid profiles together, which was super fun, if a little daunting. "Hey world, here I am, my very own presentation of myself by which you can judge!" The questions are super hilarious, although I got hung up on the herpes one, which was... a good precursor to talking about herpes with potential partners, I think. The question was something like "How would you feel about dating someone with herpes?" And they give you a yes/no/maybe kind of option, and then a place to explain further. I went back and forth between all the answers, and tried to type out why about five times before I just gave up and logged out. How to say "Yes, but I have HSV-1, so having sexual contact with someone with HSV-2 is a bigger risk for me," or "Hell yes, herpes is nothing to be ashamed of! Not that I think it's great or anything, but really I'm a cool person and stuff still," or "Yeah, I've got herpes, here's what kind, and a millllion facts about it," or "Yeah, I've got herpes. Deal with it." How to seem informed, accepting of myself, but not overbearing or overly neurotic.
All of which I am...? Working on, at least?
It comes back to the whole presentation-of-a-person thing, on the internet. Because perusing other people's profiles, you start realizing that yes, these people seem really cool, but also that these are the things they picked to share on the world of interenet dating. Not that that makes me necesarily uncool... it's just a head trip.
All of which I am...? Working on, at least?
It comes back to the whole presentation-of-a-person thing, on the internet. Because perusing other people's profiles, you start realizing that yes, these people seem really cool, but also that these are the things they picked to share on the world of interenet dating. Not that that makes me necesarily uncool... it's just a head trip.
And it's exhausting. Plus, there's the occaisional "hey sexy how you doin'" message, which makes me want to hit things.
So, for the most part, I've stuck the world of real-world dating. Errrr, real world flirtateous friendships, as it were. Jamie and I met this guy at a party the other week, he was cute, he flirted with me, etc. etc. And so, in the spirit of recent developements, I e-mailed him, and we went out for drinks. Because fuck it, the worst that could happen is that the drinks were boring and bad, and I (basically) never see him again.
But as it happens, it was great! Although he's not so much available for dating (he's married, and at the moment, basically monogamous in that marriage), which is sort of... strange, because he wants to be? I'm not going to go into much detail, because I haven't actually asked him about that yet, but at this point, I'm putting it in the friend bucket. Which isn't such a bad bucket, I don't think, for my first real foray into this dating-other-people-thing.
But as it happens, it was great! Although he's not so much available for dating (he's married, and at the moment, basically monogamous in that marriage), which is sort of... strange, because he wants to be? I'm not going to go into much detail, because I haven't actually asked him about that yet, but at this point, I'm putting it in the friend bucket. Which isn't such a bad bucket, I don't think, for my first real foray into this dating-other-people-thing.
The most surprising, out of all of it, is how fucking giddy I am about my current relationship. Like, I just want to hear about the cute people and get excited about the making out and come home to him and giggle like fucking teenagers on the couch. I think the only reason I haven't jumped him multiple times a day in the last week is that my vagina has decided, once again, to be unhappy. The rest of me? Nonmonogamously thrilled. My sex organs? Angry and red and not in the fun-torture kind of way.
But it's really wonderful, actually, to be this happy about things. Sure, there are points of misgiving I still have, and the boundaries at the moment are super small (baby steps, as they say). And when those happen, I talk to him, and we check in, and it's okay. But for the most part, I'm just... over the moon about loving my dudeman. I want to dote on him, go on dates with him, I think about him all the time. And I mean, I always think about him all the time, but this is like... it's like the beginning, in a way.
And so, in honor of that (and his new namesake), I've got a tape I want to play for you:
Upload MP3 and download MP3 using free MP3 hosting from Tindeck.
(the audio is crap, but the partner in question who has all the audio knowledge isn't home, so... this is it. and because really, what other song would do?)
I have the coolest fucking boyfriend ever.
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