the subtleties of sexism; who I am not

I read an interesting article this morning. Frustrating in the way it was framed, different in that, instead of trying to sum-up two sides of a topic, it actually presented two different writers making on each side of an argument, and kept track of statistics, via a push-button poll, about how many peoples' minds were changed after reading the debate. Sounds like it's on a good track, right? And for some of it, it comes back to that track. But from the get-go, the article shows unbaised, neutral framing to be anything but.

First, the introduction starts off with 50 Shades of Grey. I've had damn enough of this book, and talking about it, and talking about it in a BDSM context. It's Twighlight fan fiction, and while I know talking about it as a bad representation of BDSM to the overall population of... the world; I know that's important to do. But I'm just so pissed off at that book, and I'm sick of talking about it. So I'll stop. Anyway.

Replacing the 50 Shades reference with a general "now that BDSM has been revealed to the mainstream media vis This Thing That Is Not That Book," the article goes on to ask, basically, if BDSM erotica is okay. More specifically, the introduction says:

"...people are asking themselves whether this is a topic that empowers the modern woman, or is a fantasy which promotes their degradation and exploitation"

And I think that's a fine question. I know exactly what I the answer is (on an intellectual level), but I think it's a fine question to ask. Except that it isn't the question the article actually asks. In what little space the article takes up before presenting two different sides of the argument, it offers the readers a push-button response to what they think before reading (and then, after reading, the same question again). The initial, "control," question, if you would, isn't the one the introduction initially poses. In our "pre-debate poll," we're asked:

Tell us your opinion before the debate starts to set the starting line

Modern women should feel empowered by S&M pornography.

And then we're offered an "agree," a "disagree," or an "I'm on the fence" option.

The arguments given are pretty standard. One is by Erika Lust, and one by Dawn Hawkins, each with credentials on either side of the issue. Lust, true to her namesake, talks about the consent-oriented, all around sex-positivity of BDSM culture, and more so, how women can be happy and empowered in liking their bodies, their porn, their sex lives, whatever those kinds of porn/sex lives might be etc. She talks about feminism in the way that feminists talk about feminism to people who aren't feminists; it's great. Hawkins talks about porn, and how it's bad, and BDSM, and how it degrades women. Lust outshines Hawkins both in argumentative style and concision; she's well-spoken, and her argument goes deeper to the heart of the issue in less time, instead of skimming the surface with generalized factoids about all porn ever, or sensationalized descriptions of BDSM. I'm pretty biased, sure, but I really believe that, politics aside, Lust argues better.

I write a lot about feminism and BDSM, and that part of this blog is from a personal, emotional standpoint. I have misgivings, and I deal with shame, and I deal with a delicately fluctuating confidence with my sexual preferences. But I know, really I do, that those things aren't the real thing; on an intellectual level, on a logical level, and on a political level, I'm a proud, freaky pervert. And sometimes, emotionally, I'm there too. There's just a lot of cultural mumbo jambalaya that gets in the way.

Which why I find the framing of the debate so, so fascinating. They're not asking "do women feel this way," but rather "should women feel this way." That 'should,' just a slight change of tense, implies so much. It's not for women to decide; that it's not for individuals to decide. That, even in grammar, cultural opinion and oppression is pervasive and destructive. Maybe I sound sensationalist now, but on a certain level, I believe that more subtle sexism can be as much, if not more dangerous, and go far more unnoticed (and by extension unbattled) than that oppression that walks in broad daylight. A wolf in a feminist clothing, or something like that.

Lust sums it up pretty well, actually, at the end of her article:

"And if shame is taken out of the equation, there will be no need for women to wonder whether they can be feminists, and enjoy BDSM images, or practices. In utilizing good erotica -- and porn of all varieties -- to further educate and inspire on the subject of female sexuality and its expression, we can only further empower women to enjoy their bodies, and their sex-lives."

As for the statistics at the end of the debate, another push button pole asks whether or not, again, you disagree or agree. As of this morning, the proportions of the pie chart were almost exactly the same as before people read the article; meaning, some of the people who were on the fence jumped off, but they jumped off in equal numbers on both sides. As of tonight, when I'm writing this, slightly more have gone with the anti-porn, anti-BDSM side of things. The statistics don't mean much to me, though, aside from the fact that it's disturbing, either way you press either button, that so many people think women "should" do things one way or the other. Maybe those people don't read into grammar as much as I do. Or maybe they just don't notice.

And again, while I battle with this question a lot on an emotional level, it's articles like this that bring me around to a fire that often missed, and much needed. Framing of this sort stirs up my hackles, and when the armor's on, the substance beneath fills in beneath it; that sexy slippery stuff that transforms me from a worried, self-conscious, nerdy kinkster who's a little unsure of herself, to a feet-stamping, cane-taking, screaming crying hurricane of female sexuality and intellect... that's the stuff I'm made of.

I guess I owe both a fuck off and a thank you to articles like this. Fuck you for perpetuating this kind of thing in the first place, but a small pittance for your existence, thank you for reminding that who I am is not you; that who I am is so decidedly against you, I am reminded that I am for myself.

Here's to the good girls everywhere. Don't let the push buttons get you down.