Fifty Shades: The Negotiation

So, I'm devoting an entire post to Chapter Thirteen. We finally, finally get down to negotiating the contract. Let's do this.

It's starts with an exchange of e-mails. Ana sends Mr. Grey the points of the contract she's worried about (it's a great e-mail, actually). He responds to her with a dictionary definition of the word "submissive," and while he says he's looking forward to talking with her, the implication is pretty clear (namely, that the issues are all fine, but she better remember what being a real submissive means). He writes, post-definition, "Please bear this in mind for our meeting on Wednesday."

Because even thought they've agreed on nothing, and Ana knows pretty much nothing about this world, she's still expected to want, act, look, the part. That's how this works, right?

Ana sends him back a definition of the word "compromise," and never have I ever liked her better. He tells her it's a good point, and then they squabble about how they're going to meet up. She wants to drive, he wants to pick her up. In negotiating her transportation, Mr. Grey reminds her of the definition of submissive, and asks "Do you ever think you'll be able to do what you're told."

Yeah, maybe she will be. AFTER SHE'S TOLD YOU THAT IT'S WHAT SHE WANTS TO DO.

The whole exchange breeds a creepy sort of "this is what being a Twue Submissive" is vibe, but Ana sticks to her guns, and "gets" to drive her own car to the dinner.

They meet at the Heathman Hotel, she's dressed up, he's in-a-suit-as-ever. They have a brief conversation about the contract at a small public table, which starts to go surprisingly well, until Christian decides to mansplain again:

"Relationships like this are built on honesty and trust... if you don't trust me - trust me to know how I'm affecting you, how far I can go with you, how far I can take you - if you can't be honest with me, then we really can't do this... So it's quite simple, Anastasia. Do you trust me or not?"

First of all, all relationships (healthy ones, anyway) are built on honesty and trust. Second of all, you're not a mind-reader, Mr. Grey, so unless she tells you what her limits and boundaries are (ahead time and during play), you really don't know how you're affecting her, or what's too far. And third, every time she's been honest with you, you've pulled some manipulative Sir Domly Dom bullshit. BULLSHIT. So yeah, it's about trust. But trust doesn't mean people don't have boundaries, and trust doesn't mean you're some clairvoyant, whip wielding, God's gift to submissive women. Bleh.

Christian offers to retire to his private suit, even thought Ana thinks that might not be such a good idea:

"I think we should stay in public, on neutral ground" [SMART!]
"Do you think that would stop me?" he says softly, a sensual warning.
My eyes widen, and I swallow again.
"I hope so."

Yeah, I hope so too Ana, but based on all the abusive behavior he demonstrated so far, I seriously doubt it. They split the difference, and move to a private room at the back of the restaurant.

They mention STDs (Ana doesn't ask for proof or paperwork, but takes him at his word that he's clean), he gives her a sort-of ultimatum-type-out ("you can walk away anytime, but if you do, it's over), and they eat oysters.

She brings up a big concern, and is pretty honest about it... sort of:

"But I'm worried that you'll hurt me."
"Hurt you how>"
"Physically." And emotionally.
"Do you really think I would do that? Go beyond any limit you can't take?"

First off, there obviously isn't space for her to honest about all her concerns in this, which isn't necessarily her fault, or his fault, but it renders the negotiation pretty useless. Second, she's never done this before - of course she's worried about the physical pain. Third, Christian has no idea what we limits are, because they've never played together. Oh, but I forget so quickly - he's a kinky, kinky psychic who can magically tell when she's had enough. Right.

Throughout the entire process, as they talk through kink and sex specifics, she both completely distracted by how attracted she is to him, and views her participation in a submissive lifestyle as a kind of sacrifice, a thing that must be endured to be graced with the presence of Mr. Grey:

"He's so passionate, mesmerizing. This is obviously his obsession, the way he is... I can't take my eyes off him. He really, really wants this."

Because she'll do it if it's what he wants, and that's a good reason. Not for her own interest, or even own curiosity, but instead to please the Magic Psychic Adonis Billionaire.

She finally calls him out on his flirtation during the negotiating process:

"'Christian, you use sex as a weapon. It really isn't fair,' I whisper, staring down at my hands.

But it gets her basically nowhere, because in his reponse, he uses (what else) his desire for her as a weapon:

"You're right. I do. In life you use what you know, Anastasia [and I know how to be a manipulative abuser, yay!]. Doesn't change how much I want you. Here. Now."

She basically cops to her disadvantages, and to the manipulation that's going on, about a page later:

"He's the only one who knows and understands the rules. I'm just naive and inexperienced. My only sphere of reference is Kate, and she doesn't take any shit from men."

Ana actually makes a pretty smart move, after they've finished negotiating (despite the constant sexual overtones - she basically blows a piece of asparagus as one point, because you use what you know, and she's had excellent examples of sexuality as a weapon - they get through most of the details of the contract, and make some compromises along the way). She asks for space, and tells him she needs to either a) spend the night with him without having sex, or b) go home by herself. His response to this is more of the Twue Submissive® bullshit:

"You know, when you feel into my office to interview me, you were all 'yes, sir,' 'no, sir." I thought you were a natural born submissive."

Or, you know, using a title of respect in a professional environment, you arrogant prick.

As she leaves, he tells her:

"If you make the right decision, can I see you on Sunday?"

Because of course, refusing this proposal is clearly the wrong decision. No pressure or anything.

She weeps on the drive home (after he is flabbergasted at the car she drives, and insist it's unsafe, poor little thing, doesn't know how to take care of herself, tsk tsk), and feels very, very conflicted about what to do:

"... my tears start to fall, and I choke back a sob. Soon tears are streaming down my face, and I really don't understand why I'm crying. I was holding my own. He explained everything. He was clear. He wants me, but the truth is I need more. I need him to want me like I want and need him, and deep down I know it's not possible."

This is, so classically, behavior of someone who's being seriously manipulated. She's unsure, but it must be her fault that she's unsure; he was so clear, it can't be anything he's doing wrong.

And that's their negotiation. More chapters soon (although I think we're going to have to get bullet-pointy, because this is taking forever. I underestimated how every little thing in this would be so bad).

Toodles.