I found out I had herpes about four months ago. I had some vaginal irritation, but I'm sort of prone to yeast infections/BV, so I figured it was a particularly bad case. It happened on the way back from a trip abroad, on the plane. I started hurting, and then I started hurting worse. It was a weekend when we got back in town, so I caved and went Zoomcare instead of seeing my regular doctor. They examined me, and told me it was probably herpes, and did a PCR swab test of the sores just to be sure. The results came back a few days later; positive for HSV-1.
Getting herpes isn't particularly unique or special, but I think the circumstances I got it under are pretty interesting. Here's some facts about herpes; if you're skimming, all the punchy tidbits are in bold.
There are two kinds of herpes, HSV-1 and HSV-2. HSV-1 usually affects the mouth; when you have it, you get cold sores, and once you've had it, you have it for life. HSV-2 usually affects the genitals, and just like it's counterpart, once you have it, you have it for life. Both types of the virus are passed from skin to skin contact, so condoms don't protect against them (although using one does lessen your risk). Once you're exposed to the virus, it makes it's way into your nerve cells, and takes root in your spinal column, where it (most of the time) stays dormant, and doesn't really do anything. Herpes on your mouth lives at the top of your spine, in the nerve cluster there; herpes on your genitals lives at the bottom.
An outbreak happens when the virus wakes up (it can be from stress, irritation, sun exposure, mixing stripes with polka-dots, whatever) and travels to your skin, where it causes little lesions of varying appearance. They last between a few days and a couple of weeks, scabbing over and eventually healing. It can be very painful, or hardly noticeable at all. Your first outbreak is usually the worst, although many first outbreaks go completely undetected. HSV-2 is worse in severity and frequency, usually, that HSV-1, and when someone uses the terms "oral herpes" and "genital herpes," they're probably referring to HSV-1 and HSV-2 respectively, although their terminology isn't exactly correct.
You can get either virus (theoretically) in either location, hence me pointing out the faulty terminology. A case of oral HSV-2 hasn't really ever been documented, but genital HSV-1? That happens all the time. In fact, over 50% of new cases of genital herpes are HSV-1. Why, you ask? They (the American medical establishment) think it's because oral sex is considered such a low-risk activity, and because most folks don't realize that yes, if you've ever had a cold sore, you can pass the virus from your mouth to someone else's genitals. The likelihood of that happening when you don't have a cold sore is very low, but if it's right before your about to have one (people talk about being able to feel one coming on, a tingling sensation on their lips): that's when you have the highest rate of shedding.
I'm recently refreshed on a lot of these statistics and facts from the ferocious reading I did after I knew I had herpes. But unlike a lot of people who get herpes, I knew a lot about it before I had it. And not because of my sex-educator background.
In the last year of college and the first year of real-world-after-college, I was in a relationship with a man who had genital HSV-1. He told me before we had sex, a couple of weeks after we'd been dating. I educated myself, read books; we even went to the doctor together. He was on anti-virals, and I decided it was an acceptable risk. I loved him, and although the relationship ended badly after a couple of years (and he turned out to be sort of an asshole), I didn't regret my decision.
Flash forward a few years, and I have an outbreak, and test positive. Because of my issues with year with recurring yeast/BV, I'd been tested for herpes multiple times, and always come up negative. The incubation period for herpes is usually a couple of months, maybe a year, so it's unlikely I got it from the asshole. But it's not impossible; the tests they use to diagnose herpes is pretty inaccurate, especially if it's been a while since you've had an outbreak. And it's possible I missed my first outbreak. It's also possible I got it from another partner since the asshole who was aware of his herpes. Another fun fact about the virus? 90% of people who have it (that includes both types) don't know they have it.
So, I have this disease. I've struggled with it over the past months, and I'm going to write about that in a post soon to come. But part of what I've realized about herpes, having been on both sides of an uneven partnership with it (meaning, one person has the virus, one person doesn't) is that there's a reason why the tests suck, and a reason why so few people know they have it (aside from the American medical establishment being generally shitty).
Simply, it just isn't that big of a deal. Unlike gonorrhea, chlamydia, or even AIDS, it doesn't have any adverse affects besides the outbreaks (the one exception to this being the speculation that HSV-1 might put at a higher risk for Alzheimer's disease, but if that's the case, the 60% - 80% of the population is in that boat). It doesn't impeded your fertility, your immune system, or your ability to have sex (aside from the outbreaks, that is). And in many, many cases, people have outbreaks so infrequently that herpes simply isn't a part of their daily life (in fact, 50% of people who have HSV-1 genitally will never experience another outbreak in their lifetime).
So yes, I have an STD. I will always have an STD. It changes my relationship with monogamy, with play partners. It threw a serious wrench in my current relationship, although I couldn't have asked for a more incredible partner, and we're still making an excellent team. It changed my perception of my sexuality, in both good and bad ways, in ways that are changing all the time (more on these things in the aforementioned upcoming post). If I had to pick between having an STD and not having an STD, I'd pick the later. But if I had to pick an STD to have? All told, herpes isn't so bad. AIDS and syphilis are pretty terrible in many ways; gonorrhea and chlamydia are curable, sure, but most of the time they present with no symptoms, and if they go undetected, can cause pelvic inflammatory disease and infertility. So, out of the big ones, yeah, I think I'd pick herpes.
As an homage to coming out with this, so to speak, I'm adding a herpes tag in the sidebar. Who knows if I'll ever use it again. But, just the like the virus living at the bottom of my spinal column, it'll be there.
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